Tuesday 19 July 2011

100 Themes 010 - Breathe Again

I couldn't think of this in any way but the most violent. It's not very long; it IS only a vignette, though.



100 Themes 009 - Drive

"You have to want to do it. It won't just come to you."
I sat in my seat, trying not to be noticed. The seats were plastic, linked together in rows of about forty. How had I ended up right in the middle of the room?
"If you don't have the drive to get what you want in life, how do you think it will happen?"
He was about fifty, lights shining off his bald head, stalking back and forth over the stage. His energy was obviously meant to be catching, but… seriously?
"I started out like you! I started out simply dreaming about the things I want, never imagining that they'd be mine! And now look-"
A screen came to life behind him, images projected onto it. The speaker in a fast car. On a boat. Surrounded by women. On a… was that a gold jet-ski?
"All the things I wanted in life. And they're mine."
So, Mr Motivational Speaker, how did you get them? While you dramatically pause to let the significance of this sink in, let's review. I'm forty. My wife left me for a younger, richer man; I'm an alcoholic and my job's counselling service sent me here. But this is just embarrassing.
"And, you're thinking, how did I get all of this?" Yup. "Well, for the low, low price of $39.99 a month, I'll send you my magazine, 'The Drive To Succeed' in which you'll find all of the tips you need to end up just like me!"
Ah. There it was; the hook baited, the stick holding the carrot dipping into view. He splutters out one or two more exhortations and leaves the stage to rapturous applause. People begin to leave. I don't make eye contact with any of them.
I get to the door, nearly the last one to leave. No rush. Nothing to do when I get back, after all.
"Sir! Will you be signing up?" It's the speaker. He's standing holding a pad of forms and a pen. I look at them.
"It's a cheap price, buddy; tomorrow, it's double that."
What the hell. I sign.

100 Themes 008 - Innocence

I love twisting these, but this one twisted itself; what would happen if, in the future, to be innocent was a crime in itself?




100 Themes 007 - Heaven

It was a cold day in Hell, and Uriel could feel it. Fallen only lately, punished for staring down human women’s tops, he was shivering so much that feathers were drifting from his wings to land on the snow.
He hugged his knees to his chest, his night-dress gown not holding the heat in at all; a thin dribble of snot worked its way down his pointy nose, mingling with the residue of many tears.
The crunching of feet on the snow brought him back to reality, and, wiping his face, he stood up. A demon was coming. It was short and round, a hooked bird’s beak with tentacles for hair. It stopped in front of him and coughed, politely covering its mouth with one fin.
“Good evening,” it said. Its voice was like jelly disappearing into a meat grinder.
“Um, hello,” Uriel said.
“First time?”
Uriel frowned. There was a second time? “Uh, yes, first time. I came from, you know, the other place.”
“Ah. One of those.” The creature stuck out a chitinous appendage and Uriel gently shook it. The grip was firm. “I’m Syzygys, by the way,” it said.
“Uriel.”
They stood for a moment, Uriel now realising that he could no longer feel his bare feet, and wondering at what point frostbite would start to set in. He cleared his throat.
“So, Hell. I thought it would be, y’know, warmer.”
“Ah, well, people – humans, I mean – often say that they’ll do things when Hell freezes over. In the end, the boss figured it was easier to force their hand this way. What’s Heaven like?”
The angel’s head filled with golden images of blistering heat, eternal peace, as much food as he could eat and the hours playing chess in the evening with all of the female angels.
“It’s…” he began, then paused and let a slow smile play over his lips. “It’s shit.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s hot, I mean, we’re talking about the heat of a thousand thousand suns here. See this golden skin? That’s the only way we don’t burn to a crisp. Reflective, see.” Syzygys nodded his head as Uriel carried on.
“There’s no sex. All-you-can-eat means that we all watch our weight. There’s a branch of Weight Watchers in Heaven, y’know? And it’s just boring. No conflict. There’s a newspaper, but it just prints headlines like “No news again today. Sorry.”
“Ah.” Syzygys shrugged his massive shoulders and a pair of technicolour wings flapped out. Uriel stared up in admiration.
“Those are amazing. Is that a part of you? The colour, I mean?”
The demon laughed, and shook his head. “When I came down here, I had ones just like yours. You got to learn to live a little, y’know?” He clapped Uriel on the shoulder, and began to lead him away. “I know this place, Uri, they’ll do you any pattern in any colour, and it’s all completely reversible…”
Arm in arm with the demon, the fallen angel took his first steps into Hell. He was going to like it here.

Monday 4 July 2011

100 Themes 006 - Break Away

This has always amused me :D I've often wondered why the Gherkin looks that way, and this is the answer. Pfft, yeah.

Friday 1 July 2011

100 Themes 005 - Seeking Solace

Another piece of writing. Not enough work being done on the editing at the moment, but I'm up to Chapter 15, over two-thirds of the way through. I've also just been offered a full time job from the place I'm currently contracted to and I hope to start with them soon :D


Here's another piece of flash-fiction to tide everyone over.



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